No words.
I keep opening the blogger app on my phone to write, but after hitting backspace a few times I close out of the app and decide there are no words.
No words to describe the kinda hope I had one week ago and no words to describe the pain that coursed through me when I heard the news. The news that the birth mom was in labor and had changed her mind and decided to parent. No words to describe the horrible feeling of letting down everyone around me including myself. I ran out of church to answer "the call" the one we had been waiting for for weeks. I collapsed on Jason when he came out to check on me because I didn't return fast enough. We've both gone through a lot of hard things the last couple of months (including 2 failed adoptions) and the look in his eyes was one of pain all over again. I hated it. I hate going through the pain again. I hate seeing my husband cry. I hate crying myself.
But you know what else? There are no words to describe the kind of love and compassion and kindness from everyone around me. People I know and I don't even know. Texts, emails, instagram comments, hugs and kind words. I know I have so many who care about Jason and I. The almost instant comfort that came over me was a sure sign that there were so many people praying for us.
There are also no words to describe the peace that Jason and I have been feeling the last few days. The peace where you know everything is going to work out and that God is in control. And that He has a plan for us and that He is a good God no matter what we go through. It's hard. It's hard to love a child you don't even know so much and then lose that. I won't lie how hard it is. And when you initially feel the pain you're honestly not sure you can go on, but you do because God does heal. I trust He is doing something good through this and that a big miracle is coming soon.
Thank you to all my followers who have so kindly supported our adoption journey and encouraged us on the way. Keep following because I know the ending is going to be amazing.
No words to describe the kinda hope I had one week ago and no words to describe the pain that coursed through me when I heard the news. The news that the birth mom was in labor and had changed her mind and decided to parent. No words to describe the horrible feeling of letting down everyone around me including myself. I ran out of church to answer "the call" the one we had been waiting for for weeks. I collapsed on Jason when he came out to check on me because I didn't return fast enough. We've both gone through a lot of hard things the last couple of months (including 2 failed adoptions) and the look in his eyes was one of pain all over again. I hated it. I hate going through the pain again. I hate seeing my husband cry. I hate crying myself.
But you know what else? There are no words to describe the kind of love and compassion and kindness from everyone around me. People I know and I don't even know. Texts, emails, instagram comments, hugs and kind words. I know I have so many who care about Jason and I. The almost instant comfort that came over me was a sure sign that there were so many people praying for us.
There are also no words to describe the peace that Jason and I have been feeling the last few days. The peace where you know everything is going to work out and that God is in control. And that He has a plan for us and that He is a good God no matter what we go through. It's hard. It's hard to love a child you don't even know so much and then lose that. I won't lie how hard it is. And when you initially feel the pain you're honestly not sure you can go on, but you do because God does heal. I trust He is doing something good through this and that a big miracle is coming soon.
Thank you to all my followers who have so kindly supported our adoption journey and encouraged us on the way. Keep following because I know the ending is going to be amazing.
Comments
Love You
Love you,
Julie
I will continue to pray for you and your family. Sending out all my love to you two. God Bless!
Although I don't know you guys in person, I have also been checking a lot for news, and like an earlier poster said: I also believe that some day you WILL find your forever baby!
Hang in there! Big hug!
big hugs for all of you and prayers for your aching hearts.
Tanya
i KNOW we will celebrate, soon!
xoxo
cathy
God Bless your journey. Love and Prayers, Darlene
"Some luck lies in not getting
what you thought you wanted
but getting what you have,
which once you have got it
you may be smart enough to see
it is what you would have wanted
had you known....
~ Garrison Keillor
My cousins had several adoptions that didn't work out at the last minute. I can't even imagine the heartbreak. They have since had two successful adoptions and their beautiful girls are now 4 and 7 years old.
I absolutely cannot wait until you bring that forever baby home!!
im so sorry you are going thru this. i was checking your blog multiple times each day just waiting to hear the good news. may you continue to find strength and hope and i pray your prayers are answered soon.
Praying for strengh.
Lisa
I know a big thing for a ten year old to say but I just want you to know God has a hand on you and Jason.
Alysha