I set you apart.

Someone once asked me, "If your God is such a good and loving God, then why can't you have children?" She went on to point out that children are my main joy in life. I work with children all day at my work and the sometimes on into the evening at my church. One little girl at my work calls Little Beavers Preschool "Nomi's house." Okay. Yes. I love children.

But let's say that I could have a baby. Let's say after my first year of marriage I woke up to a pink plus sign on a pregnancy test. Would I have ever had the opportunity to care for K and M (my first foster children)? Would I have ever pursued adoption with such vigor? Would I have ever saved every extra penny for someone to approve us to be parents? Would I be able to stare into the eyes of beautiful baby K as he drifts off into slumber, the corners of his tiny mouth inching upward into a content smile?

No. I don't think so. Because I can tell you one thing for sure. Foster care is hard. Pursuing adoption is hard. It's so much more than a pink plus sign. It takes years of work and thousands of dollars in finances. It takes loads of paper work and nights of uncertain tears. Foster care is hard on your heart and your mind. It is hard to love a baby so much and then them suddenly be gone. To love and to lose... that is what it so often is. But I do it because, yes, I love children, but mostly because there is that emptiness in my heart that a child should be filling. And I can't stop taking my fill, even if it is just temporary.

So, maybe God knew what he was doing when he made me. When he created me. "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;"  Jeremiah 1:5 Possibly I was set apart to care for these little ones? In my heart I really do think so. The point is that God is a loving God. He has given me little ones in my life (and will hopefully give me many more) whose futures were uncertain. God knew a place where they would be safe and loved and would have their many little needs met. My home has become that place. My life has a purpose and that is to be a mommy to ones who may be missing that mommy figure for a time.

So Happy Thanksgiving! I'm going to bed a thankful girl today. With my baby K by my side.... because if my tummy was swelling right now, I would have already missed out on 5 precious children that have changed my world.