15 month letter

Dearest Baby K,

Almost 15 months have gone by since we picked you up from the hospital and brought you home. Sometimes if feels like yesterday and other times it feels like forever ago. I was looking through old pictures today of you and I had forgotten how tiny you were. You legs and arms were so wrinkly and your hair was so perfectly fine. And your eyelashes, oh how everyone talked about your eyelashes (and they still do today). You were a heart stopper back then and you still manage to stop quite a few people in the grocery store with your adorableness.

I was digging though a bin of baby clothes the other day sorting through boy and girl newborn clothes for when  your little brother or sister comes next month, and I came upon this hat. Blue and white striped and perfectly tiny. So so tiny that it almost didn't fit on your head (and you weighed only 6 lbs 1 oz at the time).

Then I realized that you grow so fast. The first year flies by and even into the second it is still flying. I vowed to myself that I wasn't going to let it go by so fast this year. I am going to hold you more, snuggle with you on the couch more, let you run at the park more, let you get dirty, let you take longer baths (even if it means you pooping in the bath! ha), take more pictures and video of you and finally fight for you more. Because yes, I am having to fight for you Baby K. Fighting through prayer and through calling social workers, and CASA workers etc. 

I don't want you to leave. There are many reasons for that that I won't go into on this blog, but just know there are just reasons. It's not just for selfish reasons, although those are there too believe me.


Time does fly, but 15 months doesn't fly by so fast that I wouldn't be lost without you if you leave. That my heart wouldn't be shattered. That I wouldn't remember all the time you were with us. Because time surely does matter and time has gone by longer than it would ever be okay to send a child away.

Through my foster care/adoption journey, I have learned through time that worrying does nothing for me, but prayer is mighty. And this, Baby K, is why I pray for you every day; many times a day. Giving you to God a millions times. I know He loves and cares for you more than we do. More than Nonnie and Papa and Nana and Papa. More than Aunt Nell, and everyone combined in our family. Baby K. You are LOVED. And prayed for more than you know.

Loving you to the moon and back a million times,
Mommy
 

"Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God."       Philippians 4:6